Store Closing Sales: America's Modern-Day Sideshow

Recently, I stopped in at a "store closing" sale near my parents home. It was at a media store; I wanted to see if could pick up any good deals.

Apparently that's what everyone else was doing too.

I was surprised to come upon such a colorful group of people. I affectionately call these people "Walmarts Rejects". 

My time at this store certainly was well spent. Even though I didn't buy anything, I feel I gained a great deal of cultural knowledge which to me is priceless. 

So if you are ever bored, in need of entertainment, or need some cultural diversity, hit up a "store closing" sale.

Hangry

I few months ago, I was amidst a group of friends and the word "hangry" came up in conversation. 

For those of you who aren't hip to modern-day lingo, or the trend of combining to words to make a new one, hangry is the combining of two words: hungry and angry. The combining of these two words is to help facilitate the expression of the two feelings simultaneously.

At first I really hated this word, until I realized it describes me perfectly when I'm hungry.

Now we just need someone to come up with a clever way of combining: hungry and depressed, hungry and manic-depressive, hungry and borderline psychotic , and finally, hungry and kleptomania.

I'm open to suggestions. 

Benito and I

I like to compare myself to the greats in history. If they were still alive today I would consider Joan of Arc, Leonardo da Vinici, Issac Newton and Sun Tzu my colleagues.

However, I feel I am able to draw comparisons more closely to people with whom I share the same name.

Benito Juarez is one those people.



Benito and I have much in common. Both of us were raised plebeian villages in the mountains. Both us were illiterate until the age of 12. And both Benito and I are bilingual; Benito speaks Spanish and Zapotec, and I speak Spanish and English. Don't tell Benito but I'm also fluent in American Sign Language, and can carry on simple conversation in French as well as Portuguese.

Benito does have me beat in one area. He was very skilled and successful lawyer, served in political office, helped stave off the French invasion, and helped reform Mexican government. But don't worry, Benito, I'll have my LSAT scores soon enough.

For those of thinking about drawing comparisons with Benito Mussolini and I, dont. We are no longer on speaking terns.

Forever Old

I'm just wondering if someone could please describe "agelessness" for me. Anytime I hear the word "ageless" it conjures up horrid images of those damn prepubescent vampire movies and tv shows. They really need to round up all these terrible forms of vampire related media like they rounded up all those slave children in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, and keep the ideas from escaping like the aforementioned children did.

My point: Agelessness is all fine and dandy if you are immortalized at time when you aren't completely insane. To me high school just isn't that time. However if you miss the boat you can end up looking like this.




I'm not going to deny that Mr. Stewart( no relation to Martha) is tremendous actor, but I'm nearly positive he's looked old since his mid-twenties. If agelessness means a choice between looking like on vampire-obsessed, overly moody teenager, or looking like senior citizen, I choose death.

Who is with me?

All Hail Martha

Recently, I had a highly intellectual conversation with my cousin, Becca; we discussed what we like to do to cope with depression. My cousin mentioned she likes eating copious amounts of sugar while watching Hanaha Montana. I,on the other hand, prefer to turn all that negative emotion into something productive: felony business fraud. And here are a few reasons why :

1. Anyone who has ever been someone has committed business fraud of some sort(i.e. Martha Stewart)

2. As a future multi-million dollar business mogul and stay-at- home parent, I try to emulate Miss Stewart in every way

3. I think that's enough reasons to commit business fraud.

For those of you who aren't quite as experienced as Martha and I(I'm on a first name basis with her by the way), here is a step-by-step guide on how to commit medicare fraud. You have to start somewhere.

I'm back!

Hello all! I'm back.

Cue the Hallelujah chorus.

To make sure my return is as triumphant and over the top as possible, I'm presenting you with one of my biggest fears:


A paper cut to they eye!




I feel like this is a problem most people don't spend enough time obsessing over. Just the very thought of paper near my eye makes me want to run into a corner and surround myself with lots of nice paperless ebooks.

Have a nice day!